Friday, June 23, 2017

Hero Dad, pt 3, Things that Matter cont.

Hero Dad pt 3 Things that Matter, Continued

As a dad, I haven't figured it all out, and am still learning, but I have learned that there are some things that really matter. See Part 1 and Part 2

Words Matter

James 1:11 says, “Out of the same mouth proceed blessings and cursing.”

It is amazing how, as dads, our words can change the dynamics of a room. Out of my mouth we can speak blessing or cursing, peace or conflict, stability or insecurity, courage or fear, healing or wholeness. We really determine destiny. If we are successful at something, chances are someone told us that we were good at it, or challenged us to be good at it. This is especially true if our primary love language is words of affirmation (See Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages). This one happens to be one of mine. I can live a whole week on a good compliment.


Decisions Matter

Big decisions, little decisions, decisions we make while making decisions; they all matter, and our family notices all of them. The best decisions come from a life of discipline, because you don’t have to think to long about them.

Esther and I made a decision before we were married to give 10% of our income to God (tithe). When we are challenged financially, our tithing is not in question because it moved from a a decision to a discipline. When it comes to extra giving, we make that decision every year. We pray and listen to God’s voice and make our decision based on faith, and then we put it in our monthly budget. God has always provided for us. 

There are many other decisions we make that involve discipline: spending time with God, spending time with family, working hard at work, loving our church community, investing in the future, living a life of integrity, etc. They all have a ripple effect and make a difference on our future.

Are we perfect? No. Do we stumble? Yes. Do we fall? Yes. Do we make decisions we wish we would not have? Yes. When these happen, it gives us a chance to discuss the consequences of our decisions and experience God’s grace, seek forgiveness, and make correction.  

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Hero Dad pt 2, Things that Matter

As a dad of twenty-seven years, I have learned that there are a few things that really matter to my family. I have learned these through some successes and a few failures. I certainly don't have it all figured out, but here are a few things I know to be true.

Relationships Matter

Every day we have a choice: relationships or stuff. One friend, Dr. Dick Foth says, “There are two things we deal with in life: money and relationships, and only one of them can make you happy.”

Healthy relationships are based on trust, respect, and love for each other. Life is too short to allow these things to break down in our relationships. If you want to enjoy life, enjoy the people you are with, and that begins in the home. If we would take the same attitude toward relationships as we do securing our future, we would have less stuff and be more content.

When it comes to dad relationships, there is no substitute for time. It is one thing we cannot get back. I can't tell you how many tea parties we had as a family. I ate more plastic fruit and hot doges from the girls kitchen set than I can count. Those days are long behind us; Now, we look for reasons to celebrate together, and when we do, we go to Dairy Queen, and we will celebrate anything. "How was your day?" Someone asks. "It's was ok, nothing special," is the reply. "That's great, you survived the day, let's celebrate."

Presence matters


Some girls play competitive sports, mine did not. They all had very brief softball careers in elementary school. My girls traded in sports for music and dance lessons. So instead of sitting on the sidelines cheering, I was in the seats at ballet, piano, and violin recitals. To be fair, Kristi did have a short cup-stacking season. Let me be clear, I enjoyed every moment, and I was so proud of each level of advancement my girls had in their particular skills. My second daughter, Brittany, did take up gymnastics and cheerleading. At least there was competition; someone won and someone lost, and someone got a trophy. While many were cheering for the football team, I was the guy in the stands cheering for the cheerleaders. When my youngest daughter joined the marching band and drumline team, I was excited again. This time, I had a chance to really get involved. I drove the equipment truck – and loved it. There were some late nights studying in the truck for the next message while the team rehearsed to “take the floor.” But I was present.

My mom demonstrated this to me as well. She was present for me, even when she had no understanding of what I was doing. She was at my baseball and basketball games. She was my biggest fan when, as an eleven year old, I scored a basket for the opposing team. She was at every concert I played in and every play I acted in.

I think the reason why I like the Baltimore Orioles so much is that my uncles took me to the game in old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. It is a reminder to me of the men in my life that cared enough to let me be around them. Although I did not have a dad, my uncles and the men in the church made sure positive male role models surrounded me.

I am thankful for my wife, who reminded me how short our time is with our girls.

She was right.


-->

Monday, June 19, 2017

Hero Dad


One of the best rewards of being a dad is that I get to be a hero in my girls’ lives. For certain, heroship is seasonal. When my girls were young, I could fix anything or create anything. I could even create castles out of cardboard boxes. I could one moment be a big monster and the next be slaying a big monster. All I had to do was show up.

However, my heroship decreased as they grew up. Not that it went away, it was just more sporadic. I could not fix everything and they realized that the castle did fall down. I took on more of a supportive role, cheering them on from the sidelines or bleachers.

But every once in a while, I get to still be a hero, and over the last two months I got to be super-dad again.

My second daughter had tornado warnings at her home in Virginia Beach. Who did she call? Her dad. I was all over this, “Baby, I got you. I’ll be with you on the phone. Get to a secure place and it will be ok.” For a moment, I was her hero again. She is married and has another hero in her life, but for that hour, it was me again.

My youngest daughter called on a Wednesday morning while I was at my small group meeting. “Dad, something’s wrong with my car.” “Don’t worry Babe, I got you. I’ll be there to get you. I’m right around the corner.” When I showed up, I noticed the problem. I took her to school, came back to get her car, fixed it, and it was ready for her when she got home – and I was a hero again.

That same night, as we were retiring for the evening, I hear a scream coming from my oldest daughter’s room, DAD! COME HERE!” I arrived to see that she needed me to kill a spider in her bedroom. Hero dad, once again.

And finally, the next morning I receive a phone call from my daughter who is away at school. She was going to take some particularly challenging tests that day. When I answer the phone I hear, “Dad, can you tell me I’m smart?” “Babe,” I said, “Of course you are smart. You got this. I believe in you. Let me pray for you right now.” We prayed, and I, for the forth time in a few weeks found out that I was still a hero in their lives.

It is not really the hero status I need, I just enjoy knowing that I’m still wanted and appreciated in their lives. These moments are simple reminders and are very special.

Over the last 27 years of fathering, I have learned to appreciate the things that really matter. I shared a few of them on Father’s Day. Regardless of whether you are a father or not, I think these things can apply to all of our lives. Stay tuned.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Show Me Your Friends and I'll Show You Your Future

"Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

If the above quote is anywhere near accurate, Melanie Edwards has an amazing future ahead of her. Over her high school years, she has developed deep and lasting relationships with, not only the girls in the picture, but everywhere she has been. 

Esther and I could not be happier with the relationships all of our girls built over the years. 

We are about to move into our "empty-nester" years, and although we look forward to a slightly slower pace, and a few more dates with just us, we will miss our girls' presence around our home - the music, the laughter, the meals, and the discussions. What we will especially miss are our girls' friends that come over at random times. They have added life and joy to our lives. We feel like they have all become our kids and we are so proud of them.

Here's to your future girls - go change the world. 

And keep stopping by. 

We will still feed you.